Love vs Need

Is love a natural thing? Or do needs give birth to love? Are we humans meant to be loving, or is love just a byproduct of life with unequal proportions at various junctures? Can someone be criticized if they are not very loving towards others or not as responsive as expected?

When we were born, all we cared about were two things – comfort and needs.
We would go to sleep and wake up at our comfort. When we were hungry or thirsty, we would cry for our needs to be fulfilled. We didn’t care enough for who our Mom and Dad were and what kind of ordeal they are going through.
And we gradually grow up. We start calling someone our mom and someone our dad, and many other relations come to life. We do that because we are asked to, not out of love or choice. We go to school, go to college, meet more people, make friends and enemies and so on. Comfort and needs still rule every choice of ours and every decision we make. Somewhere during the journey we are taught about love – loving parents, loving neighbors, loving our country etc etc. We are also taught about ethics, morality, and other such concepts that are vital for a society. So till this point love didn’t exist in us very naturally until it was taught. We looked up to our parents for protection and support. And if they kept us comfortable, we were aligned to them, else rebels were born. So love is a forced concept, just like ethics and morality. Depending upon the surroundings you are born in, the definition of these concepts can keep varying.
And then comes a stage in life when you “fall in love” with someone. This form of love is again a forced thing – either you had read about it in books, or got influenced by movies, or followed your peers to have a lover in life and not feel alone, or maybe just wanted to cater to your urges (read needs). This form of love is also a forced concept, where we are heavily under the ‘influence’.

Maybe, Love is not a natural thing unlike Gravity. If it was natural, it would be constant – like gravity that is constant for everyone, everywhere, and at all times. But love keeps changing. There are seasons to love. There are phases. And therefore, there are breakups, there is deceit, there is hurt.

Or, maybe love is a natural thing, like gravity, but is beyond the reach of lesser beings. Maybe you have to work on yourself to reach a state where you are a different kind of human being who can feel the force of love, just like gravity. That would be the right form of love when you have it naturally in you, for everyone, everywhere, and at all times. Till then my friend, don’t say you love…you just need. And maybe that’s completely okay because you were born with that quality – looking for comfort and needs. Or maybe it’s not okay, because what use is of life if you have not grown stronger (read evolved) and added few more qualities to your kitty other than the bare minimums that you started with. Call this (evolution) a journey from zero to one, or one to infinity. But till that journey is made my friend, don’t say you love…you just need.

Excess of You

Judgemental

Being judgemental is like being a judge who is mental. Haha!!

Imagine a courtroom. Two lawyers fighting it out. A culprit on one side. A witness on the other. Views and counterviews being thrown all over. And a judge overseeing the whole drama – the mental judge. The judge is least bothered about the facts, the details, the perspectives. The judge has his own problems to worry about and his own limitations to deal with (since he is mental). He isn’t equipped to handle the case but he has to pass a verdict. You can very well imagine the consequences.

Aren’t we all similar to that mental judge in the hypothetical courtroom? We keep judging others, we make biased decisions, we call names to people, we pass scathing comments on people (even on celebrities who we hardly know), we are constantly forming opinions about one or the other on a daily basis. We are not equipped to judge but we pass a verdict because that’s fun, that’s intelligent, that’s compelling, that’s the norm out here.

Remember – if you’re forming an opinion about anyone or anything, you are making an honest attempt to take the seat of that mental judge while you are overseeing the proceedings with a limited vision. You may not harm anyone or send anyone to gallows, but think of it – you’re not being fair to yourself. You got better things to do than being a mental.

May the world be free of judgements and may there be Order Order!!

Accidestiny

Accidents and Destiny are tightly coupled. Is your life the result of an accident or a matter of destiny? You cross thousands of people in your life, but have only a chosen few as your friends and loved ones. Is it destiny that brought you together, or was it a mere accident that on a particular day at a given time you happened to be there at the place where you met a friend or a partner (strangers then), and had you been few minutes or hours late, you would’ve had a new set of friends and loved ones? Come to think of it your life is a series of accidents right from birth to death. And these accidents could either be a product of destiny or might sum up as your destiny. Every person that we meet, every thing that happens to us, and every action that we take is nothing but an accidestiny.
Have a safe and happy journey full of interesting accidents that are part of your destiny.

Being Here

What is it about people that keeps them on the go? Why is there a certain restlessness to be away, or keep moving? What’s wrong with staying where you are, and not “growing”?

I see people in a constant quest to move on – like keep changing jobs, keep travelling to foreign shores and make efforts to settle down there, keep moving on in relationships, go on trips every now and then, etc etc. I could rarely relate to this restlessness (if I may so call it) and I wonder if I am missing out on something because of this lack of restlessness. For instance, going abroad and settling down is something I am never able to digest. People say ‘oh the world out there is so liberal’, ‘oh they have amazing facilities out there’, ‘well the quality of life is superb’, ‘dude, the money you get paid is great’, and blah blah. And I would think ‘Well, all that is fine, but don’t you miss being here’. Like, BEING HERE. This place HERE is like the centre of your world. It’s HERE that you grew up, it’s HERE that your closed ones breathe, it’s HERE that you will always be in the “one-of-us” category. I am not sure if it sounds like I am someone who is unwilling to experiment, or go out on an adventure, or come out of the secured zone. Maybe it is that way. Or maybe it is about being at peace where you are. Maybe some of us find our peace by “being here”, and maybe some find the same peace by “being there”, away from the centre and somewhere at the periphery. Similarly for those who are restless in one relationship, or those who are restless travellers – maybe that restlessness defines them and is central to their existence. Or maybe they are still on their course to “being here” and value what they have it here.

Maybe.