Your thoughts are holding you back. — counselorssoapbox

By David Joel Miller. Negative self-statements. Saying negative things about yourself creates negative results. People who routinely practice positive affirmations begin to feel better about themselves. Running yourself down in your own head will destroy self-esteem and hold you back from being the person you could become. How many of these negative self-statements have you […]

via Your thoughts are holding you back. — counselorssoapbox


Move on

I have been wondering about something. Not sure if I make any sense, but I guess half of the world’s problems can be solved if we could just move on..countries can just move on and border issues might get resolved, radical elements can just move on and peace might be revived, couples can just move on and relationship issues might get resolved, people can just move on and all kinda issues might bite the dust. I don’t know for sure if issues can get resolved, but moving on definitely seems a better option than getting stuck somewhere. After all, on a lighter note, we got legs just so that we can move on, we got imagination just so that we can be elsewhere (i.e. move on from our current reality).

I am of the opinion that we generally prefer to get stuck (to our surroundings, our jobs, our partners, our current reality) because we are scared of the unknown, because we are insecure, because we are unsure if moving on would take us to any better place. We prefer rotting than trotting. We don’t find it exciting to move to 30 different places in next 30 years as compared to being at a single place for those 30 years. Why? Because how the hell would we gain stability if we are constantly moving? Remember, rolling stone gathers no moss? Well it may not gather moss, but the rolling stone gets to see the world, gather experiences, gain wisdom, and simply gain momentum if nothing else.

So friends, move on from where you are. Move on if you are not happy, Move on if you are not getting to be you. Move on to a new reality. Move on – because moving on is what we are made for.

Impress yourself

Most of our day, much of our lives, all that we do is try to impress others.

We worry about our looks, our dressing, our style. Why? Coz we would fail to impress with bad looks and might become a laughing stock for others, or might feel rejected.

At work, we are worked up to do good, to stay aligned to the boss/company, to outpace our colleagues, to be a star performer. Why? Of course to impress and make a case for ourselves.

In friendships and relationships, again we do most of the things to impress the other person. People exchange gifts (ones that the other person will like), people spend for others, people tolerate others, people show the caring side, and many more things that are done to please the other person. You may call it love, but every act of love starts with a need to impress (except parental love maybe).

We have certain dreams and ambitions. We want to become rich. We want to become powerful. Dig deeper into it, and at some level all of this desire is tied to the need to impress or validate ourselves. People even do social service to impress others 🙂

Even when you are around strangers or your followers (in case of a celebrity or a public figure), you act with certain decency – partly because you should (as good behaviour), but partly because you want to impress them with your personality (however sad or dark your mood might be in general or at that given point of time).

Why do we have this urge to impress? Is it a basic human quality? Because of this urge, are we creating layers of fakeness around us? And in that process, are we diminishing the value of acceptance? – Acceptance of who we are, acceptance of the world as it is, and acceptance of the deeper meaning of life. Are we not wasting most of our day, and much of our lives just trying to impress rather than spending it wisely for whatever short duration we are here for? After all, who will you impress when you are turned into ashes some day?

Stay genuine, keep it simple, and accept as much as possible. Guess that should be enough for you to impress yourself and lead a pure life.


Keep it Simple

My Ten Commandments for a simple and better life –

  1. If you’re not excited about doing something, don’t do it.
  2. If you’re not gung-ho about going somewhere, don’t go.
  3. If you’re always in the lookout for a company, it’s time to have the courage to go for it all alone (‘coz the company that you are looking for may not be around for long)
  4. If you see problems around you, either fix them, or move on. Complaining should not be the option.
  5. Say YES more often (80:20 :: Yes:No)
  6. Occupy your mind with ideas, instead of people or problems. (rise above people, reach for the souls)
  7. Speak less, and let your actions talk for you.
  8. Make a clear choice instead of getting stuck with options.
  9. Get old, but stay new. (learn new skills, read and evolve)
  10. Whatever you do, wherever you are – Enjoy more often, Love more often.

Thoughts = Karma

Choose your thoughts. They have the power to influence your Karma.

Karma is not just about the consequences to our actions, but also to our thoughts.

In fact, it is said that we influence our Karma more by our thoughts than our actions, because our actions are always limited compared to our thoughts. So what are the choices we have in our daily lives?

  1. Do bad, get bad.
  2. Think bad, get bad.
  3. Do good, get good.
  4. Think good, get good.

Your choice would determine how you are setting up yourself for consequences that can be immediate, near-future, far into the future, or your next lives (if there are any). You’re gonna get it for sure…just a matter of time.

If we go by the above options, there must be very few occasions in life when we actually do something bad (i.e. hurt someone, knowingly or unknowingly), but there must be hundreds of occasions when we think bad about someone. Karma doesn’t care for whether we actually do or merely think. It goes with the energy that we carry. While thinking bad about someone (including ourselves), we carry a negative energy, and that’s all that Karma needs to spin the consequences. In fact, many of the times, we think much worse than what we actually go out to do, thereby accumulating more negative points (Karmic points) just through our thoughts than any of the actions.

So how do we get ourselves sorted? Simple. Just go for option 4 in the above list. Avoid the bads (option 1,2), worry not about doing good (option 3), just think good and maybe everything will fall in place, eventually leading you to do good. Option 4 is the easiest way to make your life a fulfilling one.

And how to train yourself to think good? Simple. Just remember that you are a guest out here in this world and not the owner. You got to leave some day. You own nothing. Nobody owes you nothing. So why get disturbed for something that is actually gonna lead you to nothing? Stay detached. Wish everyone well. Observe, absorb, perish.

Choose your thoughts, decide your Karma.

Love vs Need

Is love a natural thing? Or do needs give birth to love? Are we humans meant to be loving, or is love just a byproduct of life with unequal proportions at various junctures? Can someone be criticized if they are not very loving towards others or not as responsive as expected?

When we were born, all we cared about were two things – comfort and needs.
We would go to sleep and wake up at our comfort. When we were hungry or thirsty, we would cry for our needs to be fulfilled. We didn’t care enough for who our Mom and Dad were and what kind of ordeal they are going through.
And we gradually grow up. We start calling someone our mom and someone our dad, and many other relations come to life. We do that because we are asked to, not out of love or choice. We go to school, go to college, meet more people, make friends and enemies and so on. Comfort and needs still rule every choice of ours and every decision we make. Somewhere during the journey we are taught about love – loving parents, loving neighbors, loving our country etc etc. We are also taught about ethics, morality, and other such concepts that are vital for a society. So till this point love didn’t exist in us very naturally until it was taught. We looked up to our parents for protection and support. And if they kept us comfortable, we were aligned to them, else rebels were born. So love is a forced concept, just like ethics and morality. Depending upon the surroundings you are born in, the definition of these concepts can keep varying.
And then comes a stage in life when you “fall in love” with someone. This form of love is again a forced thing – either you had read about it in books, or got influenced by movies, or followed your peers to have a lover in life and not feel alone, or maybe just wanted to cater to your urges (read needs). This form of love is also a forced concept, where we are heavily under the ‘influence’.

Maybe, Love is not a natural thing unlike Gravity. If it was natural, it would be constant – like gravity that is constant for everyone, everywhere, and at all times. But love keeps changing. There are seasons to love. There are phases. And therefore, there are breakups, there is deceit, there is hurt.

Or, maybe love is a natural thing, like gravity, but is beyond the reach of lesser beings. Maybe you have to work on yourself to reach a state where you are a different kind of human being who can feel the force of love, just like gravity. That would be the right form of love when you have it naturally in you, for everyone, everywhere, and at all times. Till then my friend, don’t say you love…you just need. And maybe that’s completely okay because you were born with that quality – looking for comfort and needs. Or maybe it’s not okay, because what use is of life if you have not grown stronger (read evolved) and added few more qualities to your kitty other than the bare minimums that you started with. Call this (evolution) a journey from zero to one, or one to infinity. But till that journey is made my friend, don’t say you love…you just need.

Excess of You